


First Steps

by idrilhadhafang



Series: BenPoe College AU [14]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Writing & Publishing, Body Image, First Dates, First Kiss, M/M, Some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 06:42:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14636208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Ben goes on his first date.





	First Steps

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Call it a case of me writing something because I had a rough night last night. Let’s say the Collegeverse helps, basically.

Ben isn’t going to lie, he’s nervous. Even searching through his clothes, Ben can’t find very many that are actually first date material. Mostly a lot of writing-related outfits. The sorts of outfits you’d expect a writer to wear, like sweats and a T-shirt. Not exactly stuff that you’d wear on a date. Then there’s fancy suits he’s worn in the past. Considering where they’re going (a nice restaurant, because Poe’s a gentleman like that), he’s going to need to wear his finest. 

Even looking over himself, though, Ben can’t help but scrutinize his appearance. He’s grown since being that awkward fourteen year old boy (and he can still hear Snoke’s words to him in the back of his mind, though he pushes them away. Snoke has no place on their date), but he’s still not exactly good-looking. Poe is effortlessly gorgeous. Ben...well, the evidence speaks for itself. Fish-like lips, too large nose, too large ears, freckles like pockmarks. And the less said about his body, the better. He can remember his uncle...not explicitly calling Ben an ugly child, but definitely insinuating that there was no way that Ben could be related to two conventionally attractive people. (Of course, his father said he was pretty goofy-looking when he was Ben’s age, which Ben still finds hard to believe)

Even that memory makes Ben worry. Will Poe want him? 

There’s a knock on the door of his flat and Ben says, “On my way!” as he heads to the door. He opens the door, and Poe has one hand behind his back, where he holds out a bouquet of roses to Ben. 

Ben takes them, amazed, feeling heat go up his cheeks — but not an overwhelming heat. 

“Thank you,” he says, and he feels shy, but not unpleasantly so. He just knows that these feelings are confusing and strange. But not terrible. He doesn’t think he’s actually gotten flowers before. 

“No problem.” Poe, meanwhile, is so effortlessly beautiful in his suit that Ben feels a certain kind of jealous. Except that Poe never flaunts his beauty, is never cruel about it. Ben doubts there’s a cruel bone in his new boyfriend’s body. “Ready to go?”

Ben nods. 

***

They head to the restaurant, and Ben can recognize some of the faces from his college campus, clearly astonished (Hux, for example) that these two are dating now. It doesn’t matter. Hux is an imbecile. He always has been. 

And yet, he thinks about what his uncle once said. _It’ll be a miracle if you find someone who would love you._ He freezes. 

“Ben?” Poe’s voice is soft. “Ben, sweetheart, are you okay?”

”Yeah. It’s just...Hux.” That’s a lie, but Ben’s not ready to talk about his uncle yet. 

“Forget him,” Poe says softly. “He’s always been a jerk. You look beautiful tonight, Ben.”

And the way that Poe talks, Ben can believe it, with all his heart. 

***

Ben’s eighteen, so he can’t drink. He orders water instead, as does Poe, who apparently wants to be sober enough to escort Ben to his flat. 

“You look beautiful,” Poe says. “Magnificent.”

”So do you.” Ben swallows. “Is this...well, is this your first date?”

”With you? Yes.” Poe sighs, pushes black hair out of his eyes. “My last boyfriend...we didn’t end on good terms.”

”I’m sorry.”

”Don’t be,” Poe says. “I’m all right.” A beat. “So...writing. How’s your writing going?”

Ben pauses. Right now he’s working on a scene where Kylo’s parents are reunited after a long time apart — though not under happy circumstances. He’s not ready to talk about his parents’ divorce when he was in junior high. Or what followed. 

Ben takes a deep breath. “Well,” he says, “I got a battle scene done."

“Oh, wow! That’s amazing,” Poe says. “Between the Resistance and the First Order?”

Ben nods. “They saved Kylo’s father and his friends,” he says. “But let’s say that Rey’s captured by the First Order. Don’t worry — she gets out of it.”

”Sounds pretty exciting,” Poe says. “And yeah, I have faith in Rey.” Then, “From what you told me about her, she sounds pretty cool.”

”I just hope other people will like her,” Ben says. 

Poe grins. “They’ll love her,” he says. Then, “How did you get into writing?”

They talk for a bit, order their dishes, and talk some more. Poe talks about how his computer class is going, and Ben listens attentively. Something about Poe makes Ben want to hang on his every word. They eat, and talk in between bites, and Ben can’t help but be lost in Poe’s eyes. 

***

They drive back to Ben’s flat afterwards, and Ben says, “I had a good time. I really did. Maybe...maybe next week we can see a movie or something?”

Poe nods. “Sounds great!”

They pause in front of the flat for a long time. Their faces are close, and so are Poe’s lips. He has such beautiful lips...

They close the gap, and Ben closes his eyes. It’s not perfect, it doesn’t have to be — there’s still the matter of noses and what to do with tongues and lips, but it’s their kiss, and that’s enough. 

They break away, and Ben’s gasping, as is Poe. Ben holds Poe in his arms and he can’t help but think about how happy he’d be just to hold him and kiss him and love him like this. 

“You okay?” Ben says. 

Poe nods. “Kissing’s weird.” 

They both laugh, and fuck, Poe is just so beautiful when he laughs. Ben can’t believe this is what he was missing all these years. 

“I better go,” Poe says. “Classes tomorrow — you know how they are.”

”Yeah.” Ben smiles. “Same. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Then, quietly loving how new it feels, “I love you.”

”I love you too.”

Poe walks away, and Ben enters his flat, feeling lightheaded but happy, and in that moment, he can see a brighter future. 

 

 

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